|
Who said it...... | What they said..... |
|---|---|---|
| an example of Darwin's theory of evolution in practice! | Ad in Arizona Republic | "Outside consultants sought for test of gas chamber." |
| I really hope no one replied to this! | Ad in Jakarta Post, should have read Condo | "FOR RENT: CONDOM... ONLY US$650." |
| hmmmm | Al Gore, former U.S. Vice President when asked about his illegal fundraising activities that took place in a Buddhist temple. | "I didn't realize I was in a Buddhist temple." |
| wanna ask him what would be serious? | Alan Minter, Boxer | "Sure there have been injuries and deaths in boxing - but none of them serious." |
| parents out there remember this one..... | Anonymous Manufacturer | "How to store your baby walker: First, remove baby." |
| apparently time travel is possible! | Anonymous Traffic Report | "Traffic is very heavy at the moment, so if you are thinking of leaving now, you'd better set off a few minutes earlier." |
| wow, thats some party trick! | AP report describing Fresno State basketball coach Jerry Tarkanian | "During the scrimmage, Tarkanian paced the sideline with his hands in his pockets while biting his nails." |
| someone else has noticed that journalists are not classed as people! | Bangkok Post | "Most hotels are already booked solid by people, plus 5,000 journalists." |
| the first of many from the former US president! | Bill Clinton, former U.S. president | "I'm someone who has a deep emotional attachment to Starsky and Hutch." |
| another one for Mr Clinton | Bill Clinton, former U.S. president | "Politics gives guys so much power that they tend to behave badly around women. And I hope I never get into that." |
| and another | Bill Clinton, former U.S. president | "You know the one thing that's wrong with this country? Everyone gets a chance to have their fair say." |
| i feel so sorry for the person who had to explain what she had said, to her. | Barbara Boxer, Senator | "Those who survived the San Francisco earthquake said, "Thank God, I'm still alive." But, of course, those who died, their lives will never be the same again." |
| i would have loved to see them try to figure this one out! | Bill Peterson, Florida State football coach | "You guys line up alphabetically by height." |
| oh dear! | Brooke Shields, during an interview to become spokesperson for a federal anti-smoking campaign. | "Smoking kills. If you're killed, you've lost a very important part of your life." |
| hmmmm, ok, it might be best to just not ask! | Chuck Nevitt, North Carolina State basketball player, explaining to Coach Jim Valvano why he appeared nervous at practice. | "My sister's expecting a baby, and I don't know if I'm going to be an uncle or an aunt." |
| he obviously failed math | Dan Osinski, Baseball pitcher, when a waitress asked if he wanted his pizza cut into six or eight slices | "Better make it six, I can't eat eight." |
| another former US president | Dan Quayle, former U.S. Vice-President | "It isn't pollution that is hurting the environment, it's the impurities in our air and water that are doing it." |
| it's good that he knows so much about his own country! | Dan Quayle, former U.S. Vice-President | "It is wonderful to be here in the great state of Chicago" |
| real money? i have no comment! | Everett Dirksen, Congressman | "A billion here, a billion there, sooner or later it adds up to real money." |
| that explains a few things! | George Bush, former U.S. President | "I have opinions of my own --strong opinions-- but I don't always agree with them." |
| who esle is there? | Greg Norman, Golfer | "I owe a lot to my parents, especially my mother and father." |
| where else would it be? | GLR broadcaster, UK | "For most people, death comes at the end of their lives." |
| i don't think i want that... | Hong Kong dental advertisement | "Teeth extracted by the latest methodists." |
| i did not know that..... | Dr. Ian G. MacDonald, Los Angles Surgeon, as Quoted in Newsweek November 18, 1969. | "For the majority of people, the use of tobacco has a beneficial effect." |
| what would you call it then? | Jacques le Blanc, French ambassador on nuclear weapons | "I do not like this word "bomb." It is not a bomb. It is a device that is exploding." |
| way to help international relations! | Jesse Ventura, Minnesota governor | "Whoever designed the streets must have been drunk... I think it was those Irish guys." |
| do you think he knows what 'superstition' means? | Jim Deshaies, Minnesota Twins pitcher | "I think everybody gets caught up in superstitions. But I don't put much stock in them... knock on wood." |
| your right about that! | Joe Theisman, quarterback and sports analyst | "The word 'genius' isn't applicable in football. A genius is a guy like Norman Einstein." |
| .....ok....? | John Wayne, Actor | "I don't feel we did wrong in taking this great country away from them. There were great numbers of people who needed new land, and the Indians were selfishly trying to keep it for themselves." |
| is he claiming what i think he is claiming? | Julian Wakefield, Missouri basketball player | "I have a God-given talent. I got it from my dad." |
| well we should help them then! | Lawrence Summers, chief economist of the World Bank, explaining why we should export toxic wastes to Third World countries. | "I've always thought that underpopulated countries in Africa are vastly underpolluted." |
| lol.... | Madonna | "Listen, everyone is entitled to my opinion." |
| oh....my.......... | Mariah Carey, Pop Singer | "Whenever I watch TV and I see those poor starving kids all over the world, I can't help but cry. I mean I would love to be skinny like that, but not with all those flies and death and stuff." |
| ....... | Marilyn Manson, Singer | "I say no to drugs, but they don't listen." |
| again, i am speachless | Miss Alabama, in the 1994 Miss Universe contest, when asked if she would want to live forever. | "I would not live forever, because we should not live forever, because if we were ever supposed to live forever, then we would live forever, but we cannot live forever, which is why I would not live forever." |
| that is an achievement alright...... | Nguyen Co Thatch, Vietnamese foreign minister | "We are not without accomplishment. We have managed to distribute poverty equally." |
| it's so nice to know they care! | Othal Brand, member of a Texas pesticide review board, on chlordane. | "Sure, it's going to kill a lot of people, but they may be dying of something else anyway." |
| ..... | Police detective questioning a wounded officer | "Can you hear me? Squeeze once for yes and twice for no." |
| wow, that is impressive! | Radio news announcer | "Reports are sketchy, but we have heard that in the first heart transplant operation in Belgium, both patient and donor are doing fine." |
| ew... | Ron Atkinson | "He dribbles a lot and the opposition don't like it - you can see it all over their faces." |
| whoops | Ron Atkinson | "I never comment on referees and I'm not going to break the habit of a lifetime for that prat." |
| your right about that.... | Samuel Goldwyn | "A verbal contract is not worth the paper it's written on." |
| awww... | Stu Grimson, Chicago Blackhawks left winger, explaining why he keeps a color photo of himself above his locker | "That's so when I forget how to spell my name, I can still find my clothes." |
| thats an odd requirement | Sign in a British office. | "After the tea break, staff should empty the teapot and stand upside down on the draining board." |
| i'm thinking not......somehow.... | Sylvestor Stallone, Actor | "The only happy artist is a dead artist, because only then you can't change. After I die, I'll probably come back as a paintbrush." |
| i think he answered that quite well... | Testimony from court records | Lawyer: "Sir, what is your IQ?" Defendant: "Well, I can see pretty well, I think." |
| how wrong he was.... | Thomas Watson, chairman of IBM, 1943 | "I think there is a world market for maybe five computers." |
| that explains it! | Vanilla Ice, Rap Star, on why he hired a ghostwriter for his autobiography | "I don't know all the certain words to word it." |
| ^_^ | Vichy government (1941 - 1945) | "They are not jackbooted Nazi thugs. They are merely German policemen in spiffy uniforms here to help us." |
| really? | Winston Bennett, University of Kentucky basketball forward. | "I've never had major knee surgery on any other part of my body." |
| teachers.... | Yale University management professor in response to Fred Smith's paper proposing reliable overnight delivery service. (Smith went on to found Federal Express Corp.) | "The concept is interesting and well-formed, but in order to earn better than a 'C,' the idea must be feasible." |
| i don't know about you but the thought of this scares me a little! | Yogi Berra, Baseball player | "Always go to other peoples' funerals, otherwise they won't go to yours." |
| i'm going to predict the past! | Yogi Berra, Baseball player | "Predictions are difficult, especially about the future." |
| not what they had in mind methinks! | Yoko Ono, on being called a Dragon Lady. | "The dragon is a very powerful, mythical animal, well, probably they think I'm powerful, thank you very much." |
| i wonder why they would do that? | Zsa Zsa Gabor, on the jury used for her assault trial | "It was not my class of people. There was not a producer, a press agent, a director, an actor." |
| and to end for now - simply superb | Correction notice in the Ely Standard, a British newspaper | "We apologize for the error in last week's paper in which we stated that Mr. Arnold Dogbody was a defective in the police force. We meant, of course, that Mr. Dogbody is a detective in the police farce." |
ethe - seriously....that is awesome, we should try to get a
copy and get it framed or something :D
bluelilly - when i was pulling this together i was in
fits....it's really funny but at the same time slighly
desturbing that these people belong to the human race!
"My sister's expecting a baby, and I don't know if I'm going
to be an uncle or an aunt."
LOL that's a good one
@ Ad in Jakarta Post, should have read Condo "FOR RENT:
CONDOM... ONLY US$650."
RMAOFL! That newspaper came from my home town!!