|
men | women |
|---|---|---|
| habits - watching television | Various grunting noises Scratching private areas Constantly flick between channels Say shhh when there is something 'important' on TV Sit in 'their' chair which is perfectly aligned in a way that only other men understand | Describe what is happening on the TV in minute detail while the program is on Moan if men have to get up to go to the loo Take up the whole sofa Clutch cushion in 'dramatic' moments, screaming 'Nooooo' |
| habits - talking to friends | Talk about bikes, football, films and anything else of low-import Fart loudly and laugh about it Gawp at attractive women who walk past | Moan about what 'he' did last night Fart secretly and laugh about it Whisper and giggle at attractive men who walk past |
| habits - at the pub | Sit near the TV Increase volume of voice as night progresses Talk about 'fit' girls and conquests rather than girlfriend | Sit in the corner or near some attractive men Decrease volume of voice but increase volume of laughter as night progresses Say things that someone told you in confidence and then tell them not to tell anyone |
| habits -going to the toliet - at home | Wiggle willy at girlfriend if she walks in Play target practice while weeing Whistle or humm while peeing Wash hands with water Replace towel on floor | Complain loudly if boyfriend enters bathroom Wash hands with special scented soap Replace towel neatly folded |
| habits - going to the toliet - out | Announce loudly that toilet is needed Laugh if you see a friend in the loo Pull silly faces in the mirror | Pre-arrange a time will all girlfriends Chat to each other while going to the toilet Check make-up, hair, outfit and general appearance in the mirror Comment on physical flaws |
| Getting ready | Find clothes that don't smell Put on clothes, shoes and coat | Try on various outfits but eventually decide that the first one is best and leave the others in a pile for washing Sort out, hair, make-up, jewellery etc Check outfit again |
| Going to bed | Crawl up stairs Take off clothes, leaving them in a pile Crawl into bed Suggest sex Sleep | Walk up stairs Brush teeth, hair, remove make-up, put on clean pajamas and underwear Get into bed Ignore suggestion for sex Sleep |
| Symbol |  |  |
| Example of average 'attractive' |  |  |
| Eating - in public | eat like no-one is watching | Eat delicatly and nibble each bite. If talking is required cover mouth with hand Smile sweetly when you forget to do this and eat normally |
| Eating - in private | eat like no-one is watching | eat like no-one is watching |
| Decorating | Choose a colour, preferably one that does not show stains and is on offer at the DIY store Paint room Find ways to hide paint splashes Relax | Spend 3 months choosing a colour that matches personality, furniture and clothes Buy paint change colour scheme exchange paint paint room, carefully Spend the next year getting accessories to match repeat regularly |
| Shopping | Go to shops Get what is needed Forget a few important items stop at the pub go home | Arrange day with friends meet up before going into town Make shopping list Spend 4 hours in town trying on things that are not needed Have lunch Spend more time in town Find car fill up car with bags go home and try on/show off purchases aga |
| Buying presents - for others | Ask them what they want Get it If the answer was something nice ask their friend what they want Then..get it | Think of something they might like Change mind three or four times Get them something completely different Watch expectantly as they open it Think they dont like it Tell them you think they dont like it |
| Buying presents - for them | Tell friends what you want Wait for them to get it for you Tell girlfriend what you want Wait for her to get you something completely different Pretend you like it | Never tell anyone what you really want Pretend to like whatever you get Exchange it for something else or just put it in the back of the wardrobe |
| Keeping warm | Stamp feet Breathe on hands Get jumper Drink Beer | Complain about how cold it is Shiver in an exaggerated way Complain louder when jumper is not forthcoming Act surprised when jumper (or something like it) is offered |
| Leaving answer phone messages | Hang up when answer phone is heard Call back later | Cough and prepare voice when answer phone is heard Say name brightly Ask how they are (even though you are talking to a machine at this point) Spend 5 minutes telling them how you are Finally say that you will call back later |
| Remembering birthdays | Write it somewhere Loose that reminder Be reminded by someone a day or two before Buy something at the last minute | Buy a nice book to write all birthdays in Spend ages writing the birthdays of everyone in it Forget to actually look in it Remember about a week before hand Spend a day picking something nice |
| Colour associated with | Blue | Pink |
| Shaves legs regularly? | no - at least i hope not! | Yes |
| Can pee standing up? | Yes | no - not without 'assistance' |
| Washes hands after going to the loo? | I really really hope so | yes |
| Can walk around town topless? | yes | no - but well now.....that really depends on where you are at the time. |
| Thinks farting is cool? | yes | no - not 'cool' maybe funny, when there are no attractive guys around. |
| Has millions of clothing options? | no - but it depends on how much they care about their apperance. | yes |
| Can get away with being called sweetheart? | no | yes |
| pays over 10 for a hair cut? | no - generally but then again it depends on how in touch with their 'feminine' side they are.... | yes |
| is the subject of blond jokes? | no - but they have a load all their own! | yes |
| needs two pieces of underwear? | no - unless he is feeling especially 'experimental' | yes |
| Is expected to be chivalrous? | yes - of course | no - never! |
| Can give birth? | no - ignore what the movies say, it just CANNOT happen! | yes |
| Is usually remarkably hairy? | yes | no - except this one woman at my last job....but i won't go into that right now you might be eating! |
| Spending money - suggested by Wayne54 | Buying beer, DVD's, games, New gadgets, magazines of a questionable nature etc | Buying clothes,shoes, make-up (we are talking hundreds of here!!) Magazines, hair accessories, beauty treatment - most of which is entirely useless and/or never used! |
| Nicknames | If Mike, Charlie, Dave and John go out, they will affectionately refer to each other as Fat Boy, Godzilla, Sh*t-Head and Four-eyes. | Laura, Suzanne, Kate and Sarah go out for lunch, they will call each other Laura, Suzanne, Kate and Sarah. |
| eating out | When the bill arrives, Mike, Charlie, Dave and John will each throw in ����20, even though it's only for ����32.50. None of them will have anything smaller, and none will actually admit they want change back. | When the girls get their bill, out come the pocket calculators. |
| bathrooms | A man has six items in his bathroom: toothbrush and toothpaste,shaving cream, razor, a bar of soap, and a towel from M&S. | The average number of items in the typical woman's bathroom is 337. A man would not be able to identify more than 20 of these items. |
| dressing up | A man will dress up for weddings and funerals. | A woman will dress up to go shopping, water the plants, empty the bins, answer the phone, read a book, and get the post. |
| au-natural | Men wake up as good-looking as they went to bed. | Women somehow deteriorate during the night. |
| offspring | A man is vaguely aware of some short people living in the house. | A woman knows all about her children. She knows about dentist appointments and romances, best friends, favourite foods, secret fears and hopes and dreams. |
oh - lol, my mum does giggle at attractive men too, and not
quietly either.....and does the stereotypical elbow nudge!
Then again i sometimes think that it is the parents job to
be embarassing......
:D
jool - true but the women i was basing it on are from the
ages of 21 - 44 (my mates) but you are right in the fact
that they often act like school girls - but i can assure you
that one of my friends in particular (who is 43 this year)
does all of the above!
We need to feel for her husband lol
A fun comparison but it felt like you were comparing a 40 yr
old man and a 15 yr old girl. :I (Grown up women dont really
fart and laugh at it, nor do they giggle when they see an
attractive man :B - Imagine your mum giggling after she sees
a handsome d00d.)
wayne - good point..... *sits to think how this can be
entered*
how about the fact that women spend more money? eh?
I AGREE!! XD lol lol
I DISAGREE!!!